My modest proposal for presidential elections

It is clear that our current system of electing the president of the Republic does not work properly anymore.  Too many people are involved and the country is too evenly split.  Therefore I have a modest proposal for electing our future presidents.

I want the candidates to participate in a WWE pay-per-view event.

This event would take the place of primary elections, campaigning, debates, and the general election for president.  It could be done in one fell swoop, without appeal to the courts, and without having to go to the polls.

It would be a cage death match.  All candidates go in, one candidate comes out.  For added excitement, throw in two rabid dire wolves.  There can be only one.  If one of the wolves wins, it’s the president for the next four years.  If everyone dies, “none of the above is acceptable” wins.

The only problem with this is Judge Mills Lane isn’t able to referee anymore.

Anyway, rather than have a fake debate between the two major party candidates, everybody goes in the cage.  Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Green, Democrat-Farmer-Labor, Conservative, Liberal, I don’t care what party you represent or how minor it is.  If you’re the presidential candidate of the 420 Party, and you can stay off the weed long enough to be able to fight, you’re in.

The winner would be the best candidate for the job:  Wily, fearless, no-nonsense, willing to go to the mat — literally — for the American people.

But of course, the main reason I’d like to see this would be to watch Trump pound Biden over the head with a folding chair.

When can we start?  Now?  Why bother with the last two debates?  My cat already has the popcorn ready.