Oh, look. The government is going to do something for me.

So, many, many months (it is actually several years) after the people across the street got their fancy 96-gallon automated trash carts (automated in the sense that the truck is supposed to be able to pull up, grab them, and dump them without human contact — unless perhaps the human is supposed to get out and hook it up; this is unclear and I’ve never seen the process work), we finally were told that we’re supposed to get ours during the second half of this month.

Dear Indianapolis Resident,

The Indianapolis Department of Public Works has partnered with Waste Management to provide residents in your area with a 96-gallon trash cart.  The new cart provides a uniform look to the City’s streets, decreases litter, and makes disposal of trash easier than ever before.

OK, so let’s address the BS here.

The new cart provides a uniform look to the City’s streets,

This is ridiculous.  The carts are on the streets one day per week.  Meanwhile, the City can’t legislate what everyone’s mailbox looks like, or what the front of their house or their front yard looks like, and (around here, anyway) has let the street go so far to shit that so what if we all have the same trash cart.  If that’s a prime reason for doing this, they need to find a better one.

decreases litter,

Really.  They could do that just by telling the fucking garbageman to pick up the shit he drops.

But anyway.

and makes disposal of trash easier than ever before.

Well…probably not.  Because “before” (now), we can dump trash in the can any way we please, bagged or unbagged.  But after we get the new carts (from the DPW FAQ on their website),

Residents must place all trash in a [sic] 10-15 gallon kitchen size bags before placing them in the cart.

Given that we currently throw all of our trash into a 34-gallon bag-lined trash container in the back hall, that’s going to be a major change for us, and we’ll have to buy more bags, at our own expense of course.

Since we’re making it easier for Waste Management to collect trash, I fully expect a decrease in our property taxes, since I’m sure it will cost the city less to pay Waste Management to collect our trash.  (BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…just kidding.)

Oh, and check this out (again, from the FAQ):

Loads of trash that exceed the capacity of the 96-gallon trash cart may be disposed of at the Marion County Citizens Transfer Station located at 2324 S Belmont Avenue. The transfer station is open every Saturday from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. The cost is $2 per car load and $5  per truck load.

Fuck you.  I am like hell driving all the way to the south side to dump household trash, and pay for it to boot.  Oh, and you can get a second cart, but it will cost you $65.

And get this:

Residents can place bags of leaves in their cart with their regular trash or set out 2 bags of leaves/yard waste per month as part of the heavy trash program.

Good thing I stopped bagging my grass, because there’s no way that would be enough space.  At least they are still doing the fall leaf program.

City services aren’t really services anymore.  They force you to do more of the city’s work yourself, pay more property and sales taxes for the privilege, and smile while they take you in the ass again.

1 comment

  1. Hodapp

    Yeah, well, we’ve had these goddamn things for a year, and I had to pony up for a second can.

    This is done for ONE reason – so Waste Management could fire half of their residential trash truck crews by replacing the guys on the back of the trucks with a robot arm. Boom. Instant 50% job loss. Or more, if they had two back there. So the street can look “uniform.”

    But I’m sure all those guys will understand why they are now unemployed once they see how neat and pretty the street looks on Mondays.

    BTW, screw them on their kitchen bag size, use whatever plastic liners you want. Note that the LEAVES you are to also cram in the can are to be in a different sized bag??!! So, BS on that uniformity requirement.

Comments have been disabled.