In the meantime, in a real game, the Cubs have swept the Astros in three at Wrigley.

"...And not forgetting soccer. How does it work in soccer? I'm not sure. They run round kicking the ball. Then they run round some more and kick the ball some more. Who knows? Who cares? Anyway, back to football..."

So says Derb's son's football coach.

Soccer -- a game for weak-minded Europeans and Latin Americans -- should be banned in America. Let's start with my next door neighbors' kids who spend their afternoons kicking a funny-looking ball around their backyard instead of CLEANING THE DAMN YARD UP.