Dear United Healthcare,

Thank you for your recent postal communication regarding the sunsetting of your coverage of a particular medical device I have used for a number of years.

In fact, thank you for all three copies you sent separately that came in the same mail today.

And thank you for the three copies you sent my wife, ditto.

By the way, this is probably part of why your premiums are through the roof.  Thankfully my employer pays them, but still, damn, son.  What a fucking waste.  Especially since I have repeatedly ticked the check boxes on your portal that say, “send that crap to us in EMAIL.”

Sincerely,

Fuzzy