Number 2

I paid off my Sallie Mae student loans today.
Wheeeeee!!! Fuck you very much, SMSC, for selling off the ones you didn’t like without bothering to tell me. Now I don’t have to deal with your ass anymore, and I have more money every month on top of it. What a win.
Pardon me while I burn my payment book.
UPDATE, 8/4/2006:

I figured I’d be a few cents off, the way they calculate interest. Their stupid payoff calculator doesn’t allow for the case where you will be paying “today”.