I love insurance companies.

Just got the perennial offer from my mortgage company to buy mortgage insurance to pay off the mortgage in the event of my death. I love the disclaimers, though.

What's Not Covered

Benefits will be paid for any accidental death except when caused by or resulting from: suicide, attempted suicide or intentionally self-inflicted injury; any war or act of war (declared or undeclared); sickness or its treatment; bacterial infection; participating in a riot, assault, or felony; alcohol intoxication, as defined in the state where the accident occurred; taking of any drug or medication, except as prescribed by a Physician; operating or riding in any kind of aircraft, except as a fare-paying passenger on a regularly-scheduled commercial flight; taking of alcohol in combination with any drug or medication; gas inhalation or poison voluntarily taken or administered. See your Certificate of Insurance for details.

I can buy suicide not being on the "approved" list. But "sickness or its treatment"? Who's to say what accidental death is when you're sick? Same goes for "bacterial infection", certainly not one of those things I'd voluntarily seek out. "Taking of alcohol in combination with any drug or medication" -- well, I guess that means drinking the occasional single-malt while I'm on prescription blood pressure medicine disqualifies me...

At first I thought the aircraft restriction was blanket, but I read it again and I see that taking our annual vacation in Naples, Florida, is on the "approved accidental death" list. Except what if Osama bin Laden his own bad self manages to hijack our ATA flight and nose-dive it into Walt Disney World? (Setting aside for the moment the fact that I'd agree with him about his target, if not his method.) Since we're at war with terror, I suppose that would be one of those acts of war mentioned earlier in the paragraph.

I guess insurance companies can weasel their way out of paying anything if they think about it long enough. Wonder if laughing yourself to death after reading an insurance disclaimer is a non-approved method of accidental death?